First, I feel like I should open up with some kind of explanation as to why I’ve suddenly decided to dust off Ye Olde Blogge, which has sat in a state of disuse and decrepitude. But the best explanation I can come up with is: “Because I felt like it.” So there.

Also, one of the reasons I haven’t blogged much is that when I think about writing something here, I always feels this immense pressure to have something important or highly entertaining to share. So today is an exercise in trivial mundanity. Behold the awesome pointlessness!

The other day I came up with a product idea that I was so thoroughly genius, I can’t believe it isn’t already a Thing. I actually searched it on Amazon fully thinking I’d have ten options to choose from. But no. No dice.

I call it Just Gravy. And I know what you’re thinking: But you can already buy gravy. You can buy gravy in packets and gravy in jars. 

Let me finish! It’s called Just Gravy… For Cats.

See, I have three monster cats, and they love nothing more than to lick the gravy off their canned food. I can’t buy the stuff that has little chunks in gravy, because the fat shits just slurp up the gravy and leave behind the chunks, which is probably where all of the nutrition is in the first place. I have to get the so-called “pâté,” and these furry dinguses still often find a way to extract as much gravy while eating as little of the “solids” as possible. It got me thinking: why not buy just the gravy? The beasts get extra gravy, I throw out less half-eaten food, and everybody’s happy.

So are you there, Purina? It’s me, Lex, and I’ve got a million-dollar idea for you. You can have it in exchange for a lifetime supply of the stuff.