This should be the most fun week of the year. We should all be neck deep in gore, our heads full of ghosts, our hearts pounding from the adrenaline.

When I was a kid, everyone was obsessed with horror. It was awesome. Children gathered on playgrounds to hear second and third hand retellings of slasher and haunted house movies, a weird sense of wonder intertwining with our fear. Anything was possible in a horror story. Anything. That feeling seems to have faded for many people. I don’t know what happened. Maybe lots of bad horror ruined it.

Well, we want the old days back, the old Halloween back. We whipped up this QUIVERING slab of horror for your Halloween consumption. It is violent, horrific, tragic, exhilarating, funny, and we think it’s pretty awesome.

Let the Halloween spirit take hold in your heart. Point your face and head at your kindle and read this. Horror will happen inside of your body: