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The Saga of the Stinky Shampoo by L.T. Vargus

I wasn’t completely satisfied with the scent of my eco-friendly-cruelty-free-insufferable-hippie shampoo. Also the store quit carrying it. So I decided to order it on Amazon. I noticed that they had Herbal and Tea Tree. Tea Tree was the one that had not impressed me.

And I should clarify right now: the Tea Tree was fine. It just wasn’t the Delicious Gummy Bear scent that most shampoos seem to aim for.

So I says to myself, I says, “Herbal? I like herbs.” It mentions chamomile, thyme, lavender. I like all of these things.

Some of the Amazon reviews state that it is quite potent smelling. Some love. Some hate. I say to myself, “I’m not picky.”

I don’t know why I lied to myself like this. If I am picky about one thing, it is scents. I have never been a perfume wearer, because after 2 hours of being in a cloud of any scent, I want to peel my own skin off.

But I told myself the lie. And I bought three bottles of the Herbal scent. Because THE SAVINGS!!!

Let me tell you about the smell of this shampoo. In the shower it smells like someone bombed your bathroom with Grandma Smell. If you’re familiar with the scent of Sweetheart soap, it is that times one kajillion. And that’s not even the worst part.

No, my friends, the worst part is that once the granny smell fades, you’re left with lovely base notes of patchouli. Vile hippie stink.

I may sometimes walk the hippie walk and talk the hippie talk, but I’ve never developed a taste of patchouli. In fact, it’s definitely up there on my Most Hated Fragrances List. And I do have such a list. (But I’m not picky, remember?)

This morning Tim sniffed my head and said, “You smell like an exceptionally clean hippie.” So I only have that reaction to look forward to for the next year or so.

The moral of the story: never buy anything smelly in bulk if you can’t test-smell first.

Also, if you want to smell like a very clean aging hippie, grab yourself a few bottles of Nature’s Gate Herbal Shampoo.

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