When I first met my dorm mate my freshman year of college, I had no idea she was a murderer.
She’d hold her victims captive for months, slowly starving them to death.
They were goldfish, but still.
My point is, there comes a time when you can’t stand by and let these atrocities just keep happening.
So I kidnapped her last fish. I left a ransom note made from cut-up magazine pages and told her one of her friends took the fish.
When she returned to the room, post-fish-napping, things went a little something like this…
HER: Which friend? What did she look like?
ME: I don’t know… brown hair, average height.
HER: Did she have big teeth?
(Pro-tip: When describing a made-up person to someone, always agree with whatever features/descriptors they suggest.)
I named the fish Ramona and had her for like 4 years after that. I never told the roommate that I did it. We moved out at the end of the year and never saw each other again.